staying at home is harder than i thought

[granadaolly]

i am sahm for nearly a year,as dd gets bigger i am finding it harder.some days have no adult conversation, dh works some nights, sosometimes see no one for 2 days. go to mother and toddler but i get the impression people have enough freinds!!!i know this post prob sounds so sad!its more isolating than i thought it would be, for eg whem my mother rasied us, she had her sis and mother nearby, there was always someone to share things with, even the mundane things!in a housing estate of 40 houses i know another mother and she works fulltime.
i always wanted to stay home to look after dd but lately i am wondering if i should go back to work,other sahms how do you do it, day in day out?

[chatting in chatroom]

It is very isolating and I have often wondered myself if I should go back to work .... truth is we couldnt afford the childcare for two children if i did.

I have been a SAHM for 4 years now, and sometimes i do go stir crazy.  With my first we were living in UK and had no family near by, my oh worked 13 hours a day and sometimes had business trips abroad for 1/2 weeks.  Its def a lot tougher job than most people realise particulary now a days where the vast majority of moms do continue working.  Its harder to meet new people too. Some mother and toddler groups can be very clicky.

Im of the opinion now that I would like to go back to work part time, maybe 4 mornings a week but we cant afford that until DS no 1 is in primary school.  The only way I survive is by meeting other mums from this website and others.  If you'd like to meet up someday and let the little ones go nuts in some kind of indoor play area give us a shout .... I love to meet new people and get out of the house, I know every dent and mark on these four walls lol.

[gazy]

hi im a sahm that should have gone back to work last year but after having so much time out of work it seems so hard to get back in to it. my son went fulltime last yr but he was so difficult...wanted me to drop him,,,and collect him...to make matters worse he refused to have school meals and a few weeks later refused to have packed lunch,,, so i ended up bringing him home.. i sometimes feel that im trapped in a circle and there is no end.... drop them to school... get a bit of h/w done then get there lunch ready( they being my dd decided if ds was coming home so was she>>>) when they go back then its back to the grind. i cannot really go out to family and friends as they have plans or days out planed around the dinner hour and i obviously am needed at home then... i had a good group of socialising friends when i used to collect my boy from nursery and dd was on school dinners ...we used to go of on little outings be it to a moms group or a shopping trip... now nothing seems to get done there is always some thing need at home and the dh sometimes does use the 'but u were home all day'   errrgggggggggggggggggg...
i need to get out more and get the clingy ds to stop pushing on my meternal buttons and make me feel guilty... ( i told him next yr i was going back to school and he would need to stay in school for dinners...but mummy i will miss u ....but mummy u are good at my homework u dont need to go school.......i love u mommy..i'll miss u>>>>>)
gosh i need to get out of here>>>>>>>>i think a sahm should set a goal to when she will be at work or atleast not at home and then try to get out there and if it doesnt suit ( eg child cost ) then re-evalulate and set another time limit>>>
i have done this in the past and to meet these targets have got p/time jobs twice in the past since having the kids but now i have set it at next sept im going to get out whether he like it or not(says I with a sinking heart ds is hard to stand up to)>>>


some times i wander who really is running this house???

[chatting in chatroom]

Its Def such a hard job.  You do have to set goals and lock your heart into a big safe and hide the key lol, only letting it out at the end of the day. 

Im suprised that the school staff dont help in relation to school diners or packed lunch.

How is anyone ment to get back to work these days anyhow?  I mean, both my kids have been ill on and off for the last month.... if I were working id have to take that time off.... which is all of the holidays someone would get.  The only alternitive is to take parental leave ... no money.  Some times you do wonder if its worth it in the end ....  or even if an employer would put up with so much time off to look after sick kids.  But then I have to think that going back to work is something i am doing for ME.  It would make me appricate my kids more imho and bring back a happier mommy. 

[gazy]

it is hard with a clingly lad but to find work or an employer that will let you have time off and not really good business sense for the employer... we really are stuck in a rut what with uk govt wanting us to go to work but i feel im not really trained to d othe jobs out there anymore (or maybe its a confindence thing?)i am in the perfect postion to get a job theoretically what with two f/t school children, hubby works so it wont be like losing benefits and childcare cost will be covered by the second income as will only probably be a breakfast club costs or after school costs>>>>so why i ask my self am i still at home >>>>>
oh by the way when is there anyone in chat noone is ther ewhenever i am online:(

[chatting in chatroom]

It can be quite daunting going back to work after being a SAHM for a while... Its almost like starting all over again.  I guess it all boils down to three things  1, can you afford it.  2, will the benefits out weigh the disadvantages and 3, do you really want to go back to work and deal with "all of that".

PS, im in chat off and on throughout the day .... kids keep interupting lol... im hungry, change my nappy, entertain me etc etc.

[gazy]

3, do you really want to go back to work and deal with "all of that".

i think is it and it will be 'all of that as well as running the house/dh/dc. lol   ....plus if it is not a good/or stressful job that would make it hard to come home to more stress as to where is the pe kit >>>

[granadaolly]

yeah i don't think i could work and do all the mummy stuff with a full heart too.dh works long hours, sometimes nights, so if i worked i just think i would be w.recked.its good to know others see where i am coming from,i always wanted to stay at home to look after dd, i juts underestimated how isolating it is.dh is home on hols this weeks o i have a break and some company. gazy its true if you have a stressful job its would be awful, i could go back to my old job its really close but really stressful, target driven rubbish!chatting in chatroom, would love to meet up, how about after christmas.since i had dd too i am afriad  i am getting a bit dumb, not really using my brain in the same way , maybe i will do a nightclass in jan!

[dinkydo]

OMG its like you guyz are living my life lol.  The brain numbing repeditiveness is the worst.  I love my little one dearly and love being a sahm but the lack in interaction is getting to me now.  I think im annoying all my "working" friends by ringing them all day lol.  Some times its just nice to have a conversation that doesnt consists of goo-go and gaa-ga.  I'd almost forgotten the english language and typing here is the only use i get out of it at the moment lol.

[granadaolly]

i know dinkydo, lately i have been saying to dh, i think my iq is dropping lol!it is hard to keep the gray matter working when you are changing nappies all day, since i had dd i don;t even have the concentration to read much, and i am such a bookworm!

[gazy]

after this post started i did get a few job applications in ... yesterday started filling one in to work with the council but then when i read the position and job requirements i freaked out ...i was like nah it will be too much as it was a fultime position - what with the bubbas at home to come to .... will i ever back out there... i havent a baby or young toddler at home now so feeling as if this sahm label doesnt fit...but i need it as my dc want me home

[chatting in chatroom]

you know what would be fantastic ... if you had an area of expertise ... if you could get locum work in ANY field. Work when you want to or when you can, filling in for a couple of weeks at a time.  I'd be straight onto that band waggon lol.

[dee]

Hi All
Wow,just reading your posts makes me realise that I'm not the only 1.thank you for this service.on my third pregnancy i eventually surrendered to myself and packed up my work to be hands on 24/7.Thing is i'm not as good at it as i thought i would be??!!i went from running my own business(small business) for 13 years,interacting with numerous adults all day to not having an adult conversation from 1 end of the wk to the nxt.when i honestly look at it I DO feel without a doubt that this IS the best decision for my kids the change in my older girls (now10 & 7)is totally clear to me.but can i say it's a good decision for ME??I've gone from being bright and sharp minded to having nothing to say to any1.i feel more fresh air ang vigorous exercise will help sort me out but it's all too easy to find excuses not to get out.
some days i do fear for my mental health slightly but thankfully it always passes.it is prob mainly for us an identity crisis.most of my old "friends"have fallen away and the couple i have are equally or more bogged down than i am.
But lets remnd ourselves of the genuine bond and relationship we are nourishing.it's real it's deep & cant be put into words.it'll all hopefully all stand to us in later life.??
Keep the Spirits up Ladies
DEEXXXX[/b]

[chatting in chatroom]

you said it Dee.  Def a hard job on your spirit and intellect.  Once my two get a little older (now 1 and 4) I will head back to work part time.  I just hope I will be able to, sick kids are suicide in the work place and lets face it, kids bring home the nastiest of bugs lol, and then pass them on.